Fear.

The other day at work I had a family of three come into the park to camp. I was checking them in when the little girl (about 3) asked me if boys are allowed into the park. I had to force myself not to laugh! Not because it was funny, but because it brought me back to the days when boys were scary, mean, and off limits. Being associated with a boy was embarrassing, not cool. We were independent 3 year olds who didn’t need any man to save us. I decided to tell this sweet little angel, "No. No boys allowed in the park because we cant trust them." Then, she asked me if dads were allowed, and of course, because I'm not a monster I said yes, of course they are. But the thing is, you can't trust anyone. I thought love was something beautiful and wonderful my entire life until the day my dad cheated on my mom after being together for 30 years. Love has changed from comfort and care to hurt, and fear. I wish it wasn't scary to trust people. Wouldn’t it make life so much easier?

Maybe.....

The song Wonderwall by Oasis has by far been my song for the summer. When I listen to it my mood goes from 0-100 instantly. But today instead of just listening to the tune or the beat, I listened to the lyrics:

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

Back beat, the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall. 

 

 

Why is it that we look for someone to save us, but we don't save ourselves. Why can't we just look in the mirror and see clearly what we want, and what we need? I feel like I have spent my life looking ahead to the future, or back to the past, but never in the present. We always look for something more, something better, or even worse: someone better. I look for someone to save, to make me feel better about myself but I don't anyone. I have myself! I do not need saving. So maybe.. I'll save myself.  



Trends.

One word: trends. This fall, puffy jackets, denim, mini skirts, and sexy bold prints are inhabiting the clothing lines. So, since we know we will be taken care of pattern wise, kept warm, and will be looking great; what's not in this season? When I go on vouge.com (which is a daily occurrence) I don't see a link for attitudes, or character. There is nothing for inspiration, nothing about love, and nothing about hope. This season's it item shouldn't be a jacket (however adorable they may be), it should be compassion. Going into winter, I want to see smiles, hear laughs, and feel warmth. I am tired of hearing men say, "ew! She is fat!" and girls discuss how pimply boys are. I don't want to hear anymore about Ebola, or about how America is stupid (which I hear a lot believe it or not). I want to take a moment, and think about how pointless this really is. Thousands of dollars are spend on magazines that have the latest jackets in them, and gossip about Taylor Swift's new album, but what people need to hear most, is how to be nice. Just be nice, and be hopeful, how can that end up being "last season"?

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Check out fashionsbybex Instagram for everyday outfits by moi!

Cherries...

This was the first dress I have ever made. With winter coming up, it makes me think about my past summer, and the one before that. Not every summer can have the best cherries on the tree, and I am coming to terms with that. However this winter, even while the snow flakes are falling, I am going to make my cherries grow, and they are going to be the reddest, and the biggest cherries in the world because this my life, and I can focus on the good instead of the cold and ice. 

One Day..

One day you are going to meet someone that you can't be away from. Someone who has you'r heart in the palm of their hand. The butterflies unbearable, you'r palms sweaty, and you'r smile sparkling. He will kiss you, with so much feeling it hurts. He will love you, with growing intensity. He will cherish you, and do anything for you. But my "one day" was 2 years ago today. 

Stars.

   Those tiny lights, way up in the sky. They sparkle so beautifully, and perfectly. They look small, but up close, they could burn your eyes. Stars are a very powerful, very large, fixed luminous point in the night sky. Stars are strong. Stars are not immortal. Stars grow. Stars are real. And so are we. Kids, are exactly like the stars. People think of us as small, tiny humans that can't do anything or have one good idea. But we aren't actually small, we just seem like it because they are too far away, and they don't know us. We can't give up on our selves, and our dreams just because people tell us that we can't do them, or that we aren't good enough.  We have the power to make our own destiny's.
  Finding your self is hard, and I am not even sure if I know who I am. Its basically like shopping. If you give up at your first store, you don't deserve to find what your looking for. Its hard, and your feet can get tired, you can end up hating the pants you decided to wear, and even having your phone die on you. But real, hard core shoppers don't stop. They keep looking. That is what real people do. Real people don't stop trying to become something they want to be. Real people love them selves. But here is the question, how are we supposed to love our selves, and believe in our selves, if we don't know who we are, and why do some stars shine brighter than others?

Gossip.

Gossiping. Its bad right? I mean, our parents have told us not to gossip, the bible tells us not to gossip, and yet the world still gossips. And we don't even know we are doing it half the time. So question, if one of my dear friends has something hard going on in her life, and I tell another friend, am I gossiping? Or am I concerned? If a girl at school says something mean to me and I tell someone else what she said, am I gossiping? Or am I just pissed off? Maybe we are subconsciously caring for others and for ourselves when we gossip. Maybe, deep down the world is actually good.

Mirrors.

   You can be having the best day in the world and then it can all come to a screeching halt. I think everyone can experience that once and a while, which comforts me, because it happened to me on Tuesday. A beautiful day, and of course I was exhausted. I had a project due and a test to take, so I was up until around 2:00 the night before.  I could hardy keep my eyes open. She told me to go to his office while I was in choir, minding my own businesses singing.
   While walking down the hall way I knew something bad was happening. It was just a feeling I had in the bottom of my stomach, kind of like the feeling you get when you know you hate your outfit but your late and have to leave the house feeling uncomfortable. However, my feeling was 10 times worse. I walked into his office with a smile on my face, a fake smile, trying to hide my exhaustion. Two  of my advisers from a club I am apart of were sitting in the plush chairs.
   The next thing I knew my heart was out of my body, crushed, and thrown in the garbage can. I couldn't breath, and of course I was balling. Someone had complained about me. Someone told them I was a judgmental bitch who made fun of people's clothing. If you have met me, or read my blog, you would know I'm not like that. I'm against that! I want people to be themselves! Its what my future career is based on!
   After an hour of tears, I thought to my self, why do I care? I know who I am, I know I am not judgmental at all.  Its like a serios of mirrors. A mirror at a shopping center looks completely different from a mirror at home. They make your face look wider, your hips look bigger, and your skin look grey. But you normally buy whatever it is you tried on, because you know your body, you know it will look better outside of the store. Those kinds of mirrors are how other people reflect you. Your mirror is how you reflect yourself. So why do we care about the other mirrors? We shouldn't. Be yourself, know yourself, and use your own  mirror. ☀

FINALLY!

    Yes, the question I heard thousands of times last Saturday night, I made it. I did it! I made this dress with my own two hands. Publishing this post just may be that most satisfying thing I have done in my life. Here's to one of many creations, and here's to my dreams. For right now, they feel like they just might come true.

Obligations...

   Obligations. We all have them, and yes, sometimes they are a hassle. Obligations include driving, work, children, parents, and school. Obligations can be good for you, but one of the hardest struggles in life is deciding which obligations truly make you happy, and which ones you just feel obligated to do.
   Today, going to school felt like one of those obligations that didn't make me happy at all. But then I got thinking, how many parts of my day really make me happy? And which parts could I cut out to make my life easier?
   Then, the scariest thought came to my mind. What if our relationships turn into obligations that don't make us happy, and just hurt us? When men buy you jewelry, call, or text you, are they doing it because they want to, or because they have to? Do us women feel obligated to our men, or do they truly make us happy? Its a lot like a pair of heels; we say they don't hurt our feet, and that they are "the most comfortable shoes we own," but do we really just feel obligated to wear them because they look great with our outfit?

STYLE.

The best thing about a knew day is getting to wear a knew outfit. Everyday is a chance to be fun, to be different, to be stylish. Some days I choose the chic look, other days quirky. Maybe I will decide to look exactly like Carrie Bradshaw or I might dress in sporty -spice -comfy -cute wear. I don't have to stick one style, no one does! As long as your being yourself, and having a good time, there are no rules (according to future fashion guru Bex) about style. Style is not fashion, which can fade. Style is eternal. Style is internal. Style is beauty. Bee Stylish.  Bee you.

FRIENDS.

There are those people in life that you love different than a man, you like more than just an ordinary person, and you can tell anything to without being judged. Those are friends.They are the people that you run to when everything else in your life is messed up. Sometimes there are fights, tears, and screams. Not everything can be perfect, but I know that my friends are always there for me. This post goes out to the girls who are truly my life. I couldn't do it without them.

The City of Lights, Love, and Dreams ( literally).

No I don't think about being with anyone else.

I think about being somewhere  else. 

I cheat on you every night, in my dreams with the city.

My dreams are always the same: 

                   I'm walking down the street with my Louis Vuitton speedy. I have a grande caramel macchiato in my hand and I am wearing the most fabulous Kate spade pumps. For the first time in a long time I am smiling. No, I am grinning. Then I'm laughing, and across the street I see a dark, brown haired woman wearing a very nice Gucci maxi dress. She approaches me. We hug and she asks me how my fashion show went last night. She is my best friend, I can just tell.

Then I wake up and I am in Wisconsin. My room is about 50 degrees and I am close to becoming hypodermic. Yes, I cheat every night with a city, where my dreams are, the place where I belong. 

My Musician Man and Me.

People ask me what love means,

and I never know what to say.

Love can mean so many different things,

and it may change from day to day.

You might think you love someone,

and then you realize you were wrong. 

It has happened to me before, 

but now I know where I belong.

The dictionary says love is warmth and affection, 

but really, there is no definition. 

Love is all feeling, happiness, smiles, tears, beauty,

and rhythm, performed by two musicians.  

Love is unanswered. 

I will never know why I feel the way I do for him.

But what I do know is that its love. It can be cold, romantic, and beautiful,

exactly like a late night swim. 

I love my musician man and me,

together we are two peas in a pod,

and after our symphony,

we shall receive an applaud.

~ Bridget Kidd

Dreams.

People say "God does everything for a reason", and I believe that. If God put me here for a reason, it's defiantly so I can spread my wings.  I belong somewhere that will make me smile, because that's the best kind of love, something that will be with you every day making you smile. Out of all my dreams, that no one but me cares about, that's my biggest one. To live in New York. To go for a run along the city people, to get a crappy cup of coffee along the side walk, and to smile every single day. I have two and a half years to go, and I plan to make the most of it, but that doesn't mean every second I wont be waiting to get out and spread my wings. Reality is fake, dreams are for real. 

Carrie Bradshaw: the most fabulous woman on television.

Almost the weekend....

Today is like a manicure, a hassle, but I need to get through it to get to beautiful tomorrow. 

The Little Black Dress Relationship.

Through my 16 years of life I have been in quite few relationships. I have had boyfriends, friends, and family members come and go,die, or fade away. I have also watched my friends go though extreme break ups with people they thought they would marry, get ditched by the person who they thought was their "bff", and even get bullied by what they thought was their closest group of friends. Throughout my experience and observations on relationships I know one things for a fact: they will be misleading, wonderful, possibly hot, and certainly a necessity. Almost identical to a little black dress that hangs in the back of every closet.

A little black dress, being one of the most common things owned by a girl can be crucial depending on the way you wear it. The accessories paired with it can make or break an entire event. For example, paired with a pair of cheap, 6 inch hooker heels a cute dress could go to being the most scandal's thing since President Clinton. A lot like how misleading and untrustworthy a relationship can be. One person looks at their ex and they are questioned. Or maybe one tiny rumor spreads about a couple making out in the back of their car and BAM they are known as the skanks. But not always, relationships can be wonderful. They are magical, make you giggle, and give you hope. I know that I couldn't go a day without my loved ones by my side. So is the simple ,but most important piece of clothing known to woman. The little black dress adds boldness, slimness, elegance, and over all wonder to a woman's wardrobe. Not to mention the appeal. Nothing can be hotter than a classy lady in a Gucci dress and Prada heels walking down the street. Exactly with a romantic relation. Hotness isn't always needed, but as long as you can pull it out of the "closet" once in a while he's a keeper. Not every dress can be perfect, sometimes there are flaws. It may not fit right, it could be worn out, to short, or the wrong shade. Those factors are much like the twists and turns of a relationship, not every single one can be perfect. But like any closet, you always need a little black dress.

Best compliment...
" You are very Audrey Hepburn."