Fear.

The other day at work I had a family of three come into the park to camp. I was checking them in when the little girl (about 3) asked me if boys are allowed into the park. I had to force myself not to laugh! Not because it was funny, but because it brought me back to the days when boys were scary, mean, and off limits. Being associated with a boy was embarrassing, not cool. We were independent 3 year olds who didn’t need any man to save us. I decided to tell this sweet little angel, "No. No boys allowed in the park because we cant trust them." Then, she asked me if dads were allowed, and of course, because I'm not a monster I said yes, of course they are. But the thing is, you can't trust anyone. I thought love was something beautiful and wonderful my entire life until the day my dad cheated on my mom after being together for 30 years. Love has changed from comfort and care to hurt, and fear. I wish it wasn't scary to trust people. Wouldn’t it make life so much easier?

Maybe.....

The song Wonderwall by Oasis has by far been my song for the summer. When I listen to it my mood goes from 0-100 instantly. But today instead of just listening to the tune or the beat, I listened to the lyrics:

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

Back beat, the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now

And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall. 

 

 

Why is it that we look for someone to save us, but we don't save ourselves. Why can't we just look in the mirror and see clearly what we want, and what we need? I feel like I have spent my life looking ahead to the future, or back to the past, but never in the present. We always look for something more, something better, or even worse: someone better. I look for someone to save, to make me feel better about myself but I don't anyone. I have myself! I do not need saving. So maybe.. I'll save myself.  



Trends.

One word: trends. This fall, puffy jackets, denim, mini skirts, and sexy bold prints are inhabiting the clothing lines. So, since we know we will be taken care of pattern wise, kept warm, and will be looking great; what's not in this season? When I go on vouge.com (which is a daily occurrence) I don't see a link for attitudes, or character. There is nothing for inspiration, nothing about love, and nothing about hope. This season's it item shouldn't be a jacket (however adorable they may be), it should be compassion. Going into winter, I want to see smiles, hear laughs, and feel warmth. I am tired of hearing men say, "ew! She is fat!" and girls discuss how pimply boys are. I don't want to hear anymore about Ebola, or about how America is stupid (which I hear a lot believe it or not). I want to take a moment, and think about how pointless this really is. Thousands of dollars are spend on magazines that have the latest jackets in them, and gossip about Taylor Swift's new album, but what people need to hear most, is how to be nice. Just be nice, and be hopeful, how can that end up being "last season"?

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Cherries...

This was the first dress I have ever made. With winter coming up, it makes me think about my past summer, and the one before that. Not every summer can have the best cherries on the tree, and I am coming to terms with that. However this winter, even while the snow flakes are falling, I am going to make my cherries grow, and they are going to be the reddest, and the biggest cherries in the world because this my life, and I can focus on the good instead of the cold and ice. 

One Day..

One day you are going to meet someone that you can't be away from. Someone who has you'r heart in the palm of their hand. The butterflies unbearable, you'r palms sweaty, and you'r smile sparkling. He will kiss you, with so much feeling it hurts. He will love you, with growing intensity. He will cherish you, and do anything for you. But my "one day" was 2 years ago today. 

Stars.

   Those tiny lights, way up in the sky. They sparkle so beautifully, and perfectly. They look small, but up close, they could burn your eyes. Stars are a very powerful, very large, fixed luminous point in the night sky. Stars are strong. Stars are not immortal. Stars grow. Stars are real. And so are we. Kids, are exactly like the stars. People think of us as small, tiny humans that can't do anything or have one good idea. But we aren't actually small, we just seem like it because they are too far away, and they don't know us. We can't give up on our selves, and our dreams just because people tell us that we can't do them, or that we aren't good enough.  We have the power to make our own destiny's.
  Finding your self is hard, and I am not even sure if I know who I am. Its basically like shopping. If you give up at your first store, you don't deserve to find what your looking for. Its hard, and your feet can get tired, you can end up hating the pants you decided to wear, and even having your phone die on you. But real, hard core shoppers don't stop. They keep looking. That is what real people do. Real people don't stop trying to become something they want to be. Real people love them selves. But here is the question, how are we supposed to love our selves, and believe in our selves, if we don't know who we are, and why do some stars shine brighter than others?